Week 26: These are the FAKE contractions?

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This isn’t my first pregnancy but I feel like it is. Tummy Tickles are all the things I find funny about this experience, I hope they make you laugh as well…

God was gracious enough to remove all memory of anything that happened 12 years ago. In my mind I woke up and there was a beautiful baby girl in my arms, with no remembrance of how much pain I endured to get her here.

Fast forward 12 years and I am on baby #2…

So I’m minding my own business one night, just laying in the bed, when the feeling of a boa constrictor wrapping themselves around me with the intent of ending my life comes over me. For about 20-30 seconds it felt like my insides were trapped in some type of vortex and I was going to inwardly disappear. I’m 24 weeks and this can’t mean what I think it means can it???

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It’s early labor! I gotta wake the preteen! I gotta call my husband at work! I need to check to see if I’m bleeding, right?!!? 

I had all these thoughts in 2 seconds and then I said wait… I know what I’ll do! I’ll google it! That’s what everyone else does. So of course I google and I come up with the term Braxton Hicks contractions and I’m so confused because I don’t think I ever had those with Kristian. I also don’t remember being pregnant with her either so my memory isn’t totally reliable at this point.

All mighty google says wait to see if you have another one within 15 min and if not… you’re all good. Cool! I don’t have another one and I eventually go back to bed. It also called them “Fake Contractions” ummm… whet??? WHAT DO THE REAL ONES FEEL LIKE???

Over the course of the next week or so I notice that if I do a lot of standing, walking, or bending (basically anything that involves being a human being) I will have them sporadically. They range from a slight tightening that’s barely noticeable to a squeeze that involves not just my uterus but my lungs as well and it literally takes my breath away.

Storytime: I woke up one morning with a great burst of energy and thought “This is just what I need to get some things done around the house”. I separate clothes and start laundry, clean the kitchen AND the refrigerator (who does that?), I’m about to start my moms famous routine for cleaning her hardwood floors (That’s another post all in itself) when I get a contraction so strong it literally knocks me off my feet. giphy (1)

Let’s just say… I spent the rest of the day on the couch.

In all seriousness I talked to my doctor about my concerns at my next appt and she said…

“Oh yeah those are normal… JUST. DRINK. WATER.

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Ma’am… I paid a $30 co-pay. You are going to give me something else besides drink water. I need a prescription, a remedy, a secret ancient ritual…. SOMETHING OTHER THAN DRINK WATER!!!

**Update**

….I’ve increased my water intake. Braxton Hicks aren’t gone but not as bad.

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